Robert Collier
coachmuse
learn.think.change.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Breakthought: The most important thought of the day
Robert Collier
Friday, September 23, 2011
Verbal parasites: But, if and try
“Be vigilant; guard your mind against negative thoughts.” | |
Buddha quote |
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Letting go part 2...
“Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.” | |
Its over. You try to move on and get back to life. It seemed like a logical decision at the time but not long after, no matter how well thought out the break up was, it's rationale is suddenly foggy. You cant even remember your logic. The more caught up you feel in the swirling thoughts of "what if?" and "is this right" the more the feelings grow inside, the weaker your body gets. A lump in the throat, heart skipping and thudding. The words of your thoughts are slow to form, forming agendas to convince you to change your mind. Was it that bad? You forget why this is happening. The change in life is too much to bear. Your subconscious engineered a reliance on the patterns of this relationship, yet it was your conscience that argued the rationale that day. The subconscious is not happy with the meddling conscience and, being infinitely more powerful, sets in motion the thoughts and biochemical responses, demanding that you - the conscious driver of this life, return things to habitual comfort. Resistance is futile, the sobconscious commands every signal and receptor in your body. Just make this stop... ok... I will try to get it back. Just make it stop. Make this anxiety stop... According to Richard Bandler, there are two types of fear: Phobias and Anxiety. A phobia is associated with external stimuli, objects, situations, things that could occur in the environment around the phobic. Anxiety is associated with internal stimuli, thoughts, feelings, imagined scenarios, worrying, stressing. A phobia is a very manageable type of fear. Since it involves extrernal stimuli, the logical thing to do is simply avoid the stimuli. Were it so easy with anxiety. The nature of anxiety is to literally paralyze the body's functions from within, to send a strong message that your entire being is incapacitated due to change. LIke a flood of memories, the stark realization of every detail of the past can render one breathless. Since we cant just "walk away" like we do with a phobia (in most cases), we may decide or find the strength to breathe deep breaths to regulate oxygen and return the heart to its normal heart rate, returning blood flow to the brain and allowing us to think more clearly. A decision is often made to act. We are, after all, designed to survive and that very much includes surviving our own self destruction. In a the case like above, we tend to rationalize ways to reverse the change. Employing outside opinions, strengthening the resolve to undo the damage and fit the piece that was just ripped out back into place. To do anything else would require great strength, and statistically, most of us dont got it, especially not the first time anyway. Conscious vs Subconscious. Thats like David and Goliath. In other circumstances, like a loss of job, or other such extreme circumstances, when reversing it isnt an option, the subconscious can deliver a powerful dose of despair.. enough to convince us that we're screwed! I'm not trying to give the subconscious a bad rap here. Its a collossolly powerful supercomputer that you designed yourself between the ages of 0-6, plugging in "add-ons" and peripherals, and upgrades ever since and its just doing what it was designed to do. This powerful beast doesnt always bend to a single command from the conscience - in fact, its well known that you often need to command it for 28 days straight before it will actually listen. The habituation of programmed perceptions and responses can often play a major role in the anxiety we feel when we are trying to "let go" of the part of ourselves we are trying to remove in order to replace it with a preconcieved goal or change. When we are consciously assertive about a direction we want to take, it makes sense to write it down and measure it. We need reminders because in that moment, you were arriving at a conscious conclusion, only to continue to operate unconsciously shortly after. Unconsciously and reflexively, we go about our daily business by virtue of the commands of our subconscious. That breath you just took? You didnt tell your lungs to do that. Ok thats a pretty lame one. Those keys you are pressing to type this blog? Your barely thinking about where they are. Its been done enough so that the conscious can divert its energy to more creative and improving endeavors. Neglecting to remind ourselves and repeating why we think the change is necassary, or making the change too abruptly, can lead to a painful and challenging "let go" process, where much anxiety can set in. Two things you can do here. Either visualize the change and think it through daily, adding new thoughts and rationale to it, affirming your belief in it until you are ready to actually orchestrate the change, thereby lessening the subconscious' coming attempt to repeal your logic - meaning less anxiety. Or learn how to deal with the anxiety, which makes sense if the decision needs to happen fast. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If you stand up and declare that from this day forward I will go to the gym every day - you might just pull it off. If you have the strength and will to resist the coming complaints of your habits that were content to fill the time you are now allotting for the gym. No simple task. Letting go of the part of the change requires awareness and repetetive affirmations. Letting go of a change that you didnt sign up for is a little trickier, but several NLP methods are available to do either, such as the swish pattern. Statistically, we operate 95% subconsciously, and 5% consciously - some even more extreme. This makes it challenging to cope with change and to "let go" Some folks take a different approach, choosing to live conscsiously as often as possible, repeating the words of their beliefs, forming powerful convictions. Letting go of the ugly side of change is probably a scarce problem for these folks because they dont exist day to day as a subconscious drone, only to wake up in ten years with the conscious and depressing curiosity as to what the hell they have been doing with themselves over the years. I leave you with this inspiring video of someone who challenges himself to live extremely consciously every day - his power to let go of his resistance is so strong, that resistance has simply become an invigorating reason to try harder consciously: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfWGoLj1JCM&feature=related
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Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Fake it till you make it
"You affect your subconscious mind by verbal repetition."
W. Clement Stone
"Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words.
Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions.
Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits.
Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character.
Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny."
Author unknown
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Letting go: The ugly side of change
is the only one you know you have for sure."
~Oprah Winfrey~
Sunday, September 11, 2011
From Thought to Destiny
Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions.
Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits.
Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character.
Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny."
Author unknown
I remember when I took NLP training from Steve Boyley ( nlpmind.com) - a few years ago and we were talking about the power of thought and internal dialogue and how it can literally shape your state. He went on to tell us how when he wakes up in the morning he puts a massive grin on his face and has this voice that he has fine tuned to the loudest possible internal volume with the happiest, most excited tone and literally screams to himself inside his mind something like "GOOD MORNING! WHAT A FANTASTIC DAY! I AM SO LUCKY TO WAKE TO THIS MARVELOUSLY BEAUTIFUL DAY! I FEEL ALIVE, I FEEL ENERGIZED, I FEEL AMAZING!!" And I remember thinking.... "Good lord...now THAT is cheesy".... I could think of days where you could hold up a megaphone into my ear and do the exact same thing and I wouldn't wake up, I'd get up and punch you in the face then go back to sleep. But.... then I tried it. And I gave it a sincere attempt too, I really had a long chat with myself and made sure that I believed it would work, and holy shit does it ever! And the funny thing is, its because every other day prior to this little epiphany, I wake up and my dialogue went more like this. "Morning already? Damnit.... did I even sleep? I feel so tired. I need coffee." My first thoughts of the day were I AM TIRED - well guess what? I FELT TIRED. I know what you are thinking - "well - you probably WERE tired. Hmmm, I don't know about this blog, sounds like he's off his nut" Well... be careful, because if you're thinking that, then you've already begun to put yourself in a state that doubts anything else I am about to write aren't ya? Oh, what a trickster... but I'm only half kidding! We really do CONSTANTLY shift states as our thoughts and self talk run amuck inside our minds! Surely you have heard someone say to you before "I'm exhausted just thinking about it!" Thats TRUE! You can biochemically respond to having physically exhausting thoughts and begin to "feel" exhausted. There was a scene in the movie "The Secret" where it they had some Olympic Athletes hooked up to a monitor and even tough they were "visuallzing" an upcoming event - their brain showed that it was communicating with and firing up the same muscles as if they were in that event.
If the poem is true, and I think that it is, then our destiny begins with a thought, and that thought could be an audacious, thundering assertion, or a careless whisper in the mind. The law of attraction and "The Secret" present a similar notion "Think it and command the universe to make it so", and in doing so it takes the guess work out of what happens in between. The irony of "The Secret" is that this very concept probably contends for the most repeated and quoted philosophical, psychological and scientific theory out there. It is no secret - it's more like "The Tragedy", because its tragic how well acquainted we all are with this, yet choose not to command its power. No matter what it is called, it works, it really does. Even by doubting it, it proves that it works!
I have a hard time with such fluffy notions and still think that there's a lot of "hoopla" in "The Secret" - but I cant argue with the power that thoughts have and how its incredible how they manifest. I was in Steve's NLP class and I can was having a hard time with an exercise because I realized that even though I was speaking and following instruction, my thoughts were all voices of doubt. I was not congruent so I would never realize the effectiveness of the tool until I actually matched up my thoughts. It was the switch that made the exercise work - I was astounded and still continue to be when I repeat it. Again, though, I'm too scientific to take anything at face value, I must know what is happening! How can a thought actually come to create one's reality? How can changing your mind actually change your life? It had to be answered. I wish my next sentence would go on to explain that I know exactly how, not so, but I certainly feel a lot closer, and made me wish that I could go back in time and add a lot more Biochemistry to my studies. Thinking, as it turns out, actually creates a physiological response, a feeling, an emotion. The more authority your mind's voice has, the stronger the response. It works for and against you!
The easiest to explain and easiest to understand this physiological response is the stress response - as illustrated above. I was sitting in my backyard the other day, enjoying the solitude, the still and sunny day when a thought entered my mind "Oh my God! It is Sunday! I need to make sure I reply to all of my work emails tonight and plan for my conference calls tomorrow. I haven't thought about what our priorities will be next week, I should have done that. I will rush it now and it won't be an effective strategy. Ah... crap, speaking of Monday, I have an appointment - shit... what time is it at? I should check my planner. I did write it down right? I hope I did... God I'm so bad at that I need to get more organized. My planner is too bulky to lug around I cant expect to whip it open every second of the day at a moments notice?" The thoughts just fed each other and it was as if it was a roller coaster building unstoppable momentum, getting louder and faster! I then I hear my daughter calling my name is if it was the third time and I wasn't paying attention and I turn around with a loud impatient voice and reply "WHAT???"... the adrenaline must have added volume and intensity into my voice. After snapping out of it, I compose myself with a thought about how that is my beautiful little girl and I am a good father. Work can wait, I need to calm down and focus on her. And I apologized, my voice now much softer and my eyes I'm sure looked loving because I could see the expression slowly begin to reflect back at me from her face.
The escalating thoughts of work created stress. Our minds and bodies have evolved over the course of 40 million years. Today's complex reasons and causes for stress are only a couple of hundred years old, so stress is stress and when it happens - we are ready to fight or flight, just like our ancestors might have done when they heard the roar of a sabretooth tiger coming around the corner! My voice was loud and intense because I was in a state of hyper alertness. As I thought - I visualized, my brain saw the thought (for some you may hear it more so than seeing it, depends on primary sense, etc) which caused a signal to be sent to my adrenal glands, which in turn produced adrenaline - and just like that, I have adrenaline pumping through my veins. I am now stronger, faster, louder, and ready to fight or run. My ability to control my thoughts has been altered because I will tend to think with such intensity which only further signals stress and alarm. It took great conscious self awareness as forced myself to break state and think about my daughter and tried to reason with the beast that was just summoned. And because I did this, the right cocktail of serotonin and dopamine was ordered up by the transmission sent by my thought. This then caused me to feel more relaxed, happier and focused, allowing these thoughts to further occur more naturally, thereby bringing more peaceful congruence to the interaction with my little girl. Basically.... you have a pharmacist in your body that can whip up the right cocktail of perfectly balanced chemicals for the occasion to prepare your body to feel and align with your thoughts. That is freaking cool.
Have you ever "been on a roll"? Where you suddenly feel that victory is at hand and you just keep getting better? When you know exactly what the goal is, and you feel yourself coming close to the victory lap of attaining the goal, you actually signal a strong dose of dopamine. This perfectly measured blend of victory juice is just enough to increase your strength, focus, among other "winning" attributes to seal the deal and reap the reward. As you think and shout " I DID IT! I DID IT! I WON!!" you summon even more of the good stuff, which sets your pleasure centre on fire! You feel SO GOOD! In FACT, if you were in a prize fight and were seriously injured while winning, it EVEN BLOCKS the pain! To make things even crazier, this victorious elation comes with a big does of adrenaline too, to get you ready to DO IT AGAIN! Its truly remarkable how we developed language to literally create commands that set into motion these symphony's of chemistry within our bodies. This winning chemistry is what athletes crave. Once they reach this biochemical state its almost impossible to stop them because not only are their bodies and minds responding accordingly to the thought "I am winning!" but their opponent is also starting to respond to the thought "I am losing!".
When you want to bring about change in your life, or when you are coaching someone else and helping them to bring about change, this concept of thoughts into actions is critical. You're in for an incredibly uphill battle when you set out on your journey to your outcome, forcing an action against a thought. Not even the best liar in the world can make his body work against his thoughts. Do you remember when Clinton stood there and said "I did not have sexual relations with that woman"? His thoughts were "Yes I did!" and the body takes orders from the mind, not the mouth, and sure enough he looked and sounded as guilty as ever. I have loudly declared that "I'm going to clean this house!!" many times, but I was thinking " I really don't want to..." Sure enough, wouldn't you know it? Something came up and I didn't get round to it. Thoughts are the most powerful force in the world, and they are ours to command.